Movie Life Lessons: Roadhouse – How to Deal with Getting Angry
Try Being Nice Instead… Until It’s Time Not to Be Nice
(Prefer to listen to this post? Hit play below)
Do other people make you mad? Are you prone to getting pissed? Do you become like Yosemite Sam throwing a temper tantrum? Do you read Jack Torrance’s inner thoughts in The Shining and think, “Yeah, I can relate”? Is Coach Bobby Knight your idea of a Zen master? If any of these describe you, then you might be someone who needs to learn how to control their anger — especially when dealing with assholes. Dealing with difficult people is a part of life. Whether it's an aggressive coworker, a difficult family member, or a rude stranger, we all encounter people who test our patience. Contrary to popular belief, the secret to mastering your anger isn’t complex psychology or costly therapies—it’s simply to be nice. This counterintuitive approach is vividly demonstrated by Patrick Swayze’s character “Dalton” in Roadhouse.
Swayze’s “Dalton” offers timeless wisdom on handling these challenging situations. The movie’s rules provide a structured approach to managing anger and dealing with difficult people effectively.
Rule 1: Never Underestimate Your Opponent. Expect the Unexpected
Contrary to popular belief, mastering your anger isn’t just about self-control; it also involves being prepared. Dalton, played by Patrick Swayze, embodies the principle of preparedness. His ability to anticipate and prepare for every scenario is a key aspect of his success and survival.
**Preparedness is Key**
Whether it’s foreseeing a scam or stitching up his own wounds, he demonstrates that readiness is not just about physical strength but mental acuity as well. This level of preparedness is crucial not just in bar brawls but in everyday life.
Dalton’s approach to preparation involves meticulous attention to detail. From the moment he steps into the Double Deuce, he surveys the room, assesses potential threats, and always has a plan. This preparedness extends to managing anger. When you are mentally and emotionally prepared for unexpected provocations, you can handle them more calmly and rationally.
**Choosing Your Battles Wisely**
Dalton’s philosophy teaches us the importance of choosing our battles wisely. Not every provocation requires a response, and not every conflict needs to escalate. By being selective about when to stand our ground and when to walk away, we can conserve our energy for the battles that truly matter.
Rule 2: Take It Outside. Never Start Anything Inside the Bar Unless It’s Absolutely Necessary:
Dalton’s principle of taking fights outside the bar underscores the importance of respecting communal spaces. In the movie, this rule prevents unnecessary destruction and maintains a sense of order. This principle can be applied to our lives in a broader sense: keeping personal conflicts private and handling disputes discreetly can prevent unnecessary drama and maintain harmony in our communities.
By taking conflicts "outside," Dalton ensures that the bar remains a place of business and social interaction, not a battleground. This approach minimizes collateral damage and keeps the environment safe and welcoming for everyone. In our personal and professional lives, this means not letting personal issues spill over into public or professional arenas.
Dalton’s principles extend beyond personal conduct to respecting communal spaces. The idea of “taking it outside” underscores the importance of not letting anger destroy what we value most—our homes, businesses, and communal peace. When you get angry the best thing you can do for yourself is take it outside.
Step away. Cool off.
**Practical Application**
The Hollywood talent agent Mike Ovitz used to go for a walk whenever a negotiation wasn’t going well. Even if he was at a restaurant having lunch with someone, if he felt himself getting angry or losing control because he didn’t like what the other person was saying he took himself outside; he stepped away from who or what was upsetting him until he could regain control.
In practice, this rule involves managing conflicts in appropriate settings. For instance, addressing disagreements privately rather than airing grievances in public can prevent escalation. It also means not letting anger and frustration affect your work or social interactions. By keeping disputes contained and handling them discreetly, you contribute to a more harmonious and respectful society.
In a broader sense, this principle also applies to our internal conflicts. Keeping our anger and frustrations in check, rather than letting them spill over into other areas of our lives, helps maintain our mental and emotional well-being. By not allowing anger to influence our actions and decisions, we can navigate conflicts more effectively and maintain better relationships with those around us.
Rule 3: Be Nice... Until It’s Time Not to Be Nice
Dalton’s most famous rule, “Be nice until it’s time not to be,” is a powerful strategy for dealing with assholes. At its core, this rule is about controlling one’s anger and responding to provocations with composure and kindness.
**Controlling Your Anger**
This doesn’t mean being a pushover; it means choosing your battles wisely and not letting anger dictate your actions. As well as knowing the moment when it is time to act. And to do so in a controlled manner.
In a world that often glorifies the aggressive and the combative, Dalton’s philosophy stands out. Instead of responding to provocations with immediate aggression, he advocates for a more measured, composed approach. This philosophy isn’t about being a doormat; it’s about maintaining control over your emotions and actions.
Staying calm and composed in stressful situations allows us to think more clearly and make better decisions. By not letting anger control our actions, we can navigate conflicts more effectively and maintain better relationships with those around us. However, niceness has its limits. There comes a point where it’s necessary to stand your ground and assert yourself.
**Be Philosophical**
Dalton’s preparedness is deeply rooted in ancient philosophies.
Stoicism: The Ancient Guide to Self-Control
Stoicism, an ancient Greek philosophy, offers timeless wisdom on managing emotions. The Stoics emphasized the importance of being prepared for life’s challenges. Seneca and Marcus Aurelius taught that while we cannot control external events, we can control our reactions to them. This philosophical grounding helps Dalton navigate the chaos of his environment with a calm and collected demeanor.
Mussar and the Ethics of Anger Management
Mussar, a Jewish spiritual movement that emerged in the 19th century, focuses on ethical conduct and personal development. One of its core teachings is the control of anger. The philosophy encourages individuals to cultivate humility, patience, and self-control, viewing anger as a destructive force that must be managed. This aligns with Dalton’s approach of maintaining composure and not letting anger dictate actions.
**Practical Applications**
By adopting similar mindsets, we can handle unexpected provocations without losing our temper. Preparation involves anticipating potential triggers and developing strategies to deal with them effectively. This might mean practicing mindfulness, learning conflict resolution skills, or simply taking a moment to breathe before responding.
Embracing the Roadhouse Philosophy
By drawing on cinematic examples and personal anecdotes, this post aims to provide you with actionable insights into managing anger and dealing with difficult people. If we learn this Movie Life Lesson we can learn to control our tempers and handle conflicts with grace and strategy. Dalton’s philosophy of being nice until it’s time not to be nice is a valuable lesson for navigating modern life. In our interactions with others, whether in personal relationships or professional settings, maintaining composure and treating others with respect can defuse tensions, prevent conflicts from escalating, and offer a timeless guide to navigating the challenges of life with composure and integrity.